Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
