ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
