It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
