It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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