You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize