I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
