New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize