you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
