The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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