i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
