i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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