with your own penis?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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