I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Fuck appropriateness.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
we should paint friendship bongs
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
