White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
