Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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