Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
