dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
