She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
