the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
