I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
