I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
