You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
