when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
