So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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