i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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