turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
