what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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