i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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