A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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