She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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