i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
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Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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