apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
