he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
