:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
