she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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