Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
