In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
