I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
