My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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