if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
