His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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