Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Everyone says I win the strip club
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
