I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
