Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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