I'm jealous of your bromance
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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