If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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