Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
