I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
