did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
