Texts From Last Night

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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.

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  (919): The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day. http://tfl.nu/2twt
  Replies (38) Good night (17515) Bad night (1692)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..

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  (740): I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep.. http://tfl.nu/e7l5
  Replies (39) Good night (8265) Bad night (837)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.

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  (304): He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends. http://tfl.nu/db22
  Replies (7) Good night (1126) Bad night (3421)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...

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  (417): He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night... http://tfl.nu/cdml
  Replies (7) Good night (3424) Bad night (3048)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .

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  (419): The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. . http://tfl.nu/zh9v
  Replies (24) Good night (7652) Bad night (1094)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.

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  (570): I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink. http://tfl.nu/sq0r
  Replies (11) Good night (867) Bad night (3687)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea

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  (425): i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea http://tfl.nu/bucj
  Replies (8) Good night (1474) Bad night (567)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn

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  (989): Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn http://tfl.nu/8cqk
  Replies (6) Good night (615) Bad night (1116)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"

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  (814): Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose" http://tfl.nu/62vb
  Replies (5) Good night (1282) Bad night (545)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."

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  (330): At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS." http://tfl.nu/bswl
  Replies (1) Good night (1088) Bad night (863)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire

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  (484): if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire http://tfl.nu/0try
  Replies (14) Good night (2551) Bad night (852)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom

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  (917): no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom http://tfl.nu/ipdy
  Replies (5) Good night (1133) Bad night (574)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Hey, I'm your guy

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  (613): I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this. (647): Hey, I'm your guy http://tfl.nu/p6u8
  Replies (2) Good night (1115) Bad night (341)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?

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  (812): Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner? http://tfl.nu/i2e0
  Replies (13) Good night (614) Bad night (351)
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  (818): View more from California

  I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.

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  (818): I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me. http://tfl.nu/5z7i
  Replies (2) Good night (786) Bad night (225)

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