So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
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You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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