I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"