I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
