I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
