i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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