1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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