Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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