I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
