dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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