Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
