remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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