We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
