I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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