Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
